Me, Miss “Moody Ellen”—Jan 2014 (What so frustrating, about Love and Improve my thinking patterns and habits)

Me
This is merely the first month of the year, but I have a lot of mood swings. Some dark energy is lurking around me.

My mood was unpredictable, but since last year it has become a predictable cycle, it runs correspond to my biological clock.

For the past 1.5 month good and bad things happen.

On the bright side,

My parents have found jobs they enjoy by listening to my advice. My father is now an amateur actor, a lot of TV dramas gonna have him on TVB. My mother just start working at a high class restaurant, people treat her well, she always brings loads of good quality foods back home. She even claims a chef over 60 years old wants her to be his girlfriend.

Our financial crisis is temporarily solved. Now our whole family is employed, and I am so surprised in merely 5 months I have become the person in charge of the faimily, making decisions and provide guidance, putting my family back on track. 2 years ago we were still medium-income family with father being in charge, now it’s me when my parents are getting old with some other bad things happened. I feel proud of myself for how far I have reached, and I know despite our low tide, 2014’s gonna be the year of magic that marks the beginning of true financial and spiritual prosperity. As an old Chinese saying: Bad things give birth to good things, good things, sometimes, lead to bad things.

On the dark side,

a lot of things seem to have no or little progress, which refer to my career, love-relationship, and in recent month, my mental stability. I was having quarrel with a friend of mine last Friday at his wine import office, and I got stuck with payment terms with H&M. I involuntarily blame on things insensibly.

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For relationship, I now understand I wish to have sustainable relationship, which is a positive investment for my future. I am frustrated with some things I encountered with regard to having a partner. Being prettier or sexier, from my experience, can bring you romance but they are temporary and shallow.

I enjoy short term romance, but I am not easy to be attracted to guys so it is very unlikely for me to start romance. Also, it is a waste of time for me as there are too many enjoyable hobbies better than romance and casual sex (at least for me :P). Sometimes I miss my ex-boyfriend I met in Paris, that was like a fairy tale to me.  Sometimes I think if there is any problem in me that stops me from ‘ attracting’ right guys in my life.

I am weird, but I think I am likeable in some ways. No matter what, I always remind myself happiness is from within. I freaking enjoy my awesome single life, and this month I figured out what I really want, so if there are unnnecessary romance I will just cut it off, as I prefer reading, writing, singing, enjoying nice foods or a silly Youtube video over a tiresome romance.

I  am mentally prepared for possibility not meeting a guy that shares the same Love Potion so I gonna be strong on my own. I am not looking for the perfect guy, which people are claiming that because the guy I want is not them 😛 (that’s what I think eheh) .

 

Thoughts on improving myself

For the past month, its too cold that I automatically turned on hibernation mode. I feel like Eskimos in an ice house, I stayed on my bed and slept like a Sleeping Beauty—na, it’s Sleeping Pity for me! Simple as meditation can make me fall asleep in 10 minutes, I never succeeded!

Suddenly, I woke up and found out I wasted too much time. Laziness is claiming its victory once again.

 

remembering-that-you-are-going-to-die-is-the-best-way-I-know-to-avoid-the-trap

Between birth and death, we write our story. There’s no reason to play too safe as our story all gonna have an ending. I want my Life Book interesting like Harry Potter. Just don’t be too painful.

 

My ability to focus, self-discipline, and how to link EMOTIONS/FEELINGS to GOALS, and let SUBCONSCIOUS do the job instead of CONSCIOUSLY over-drilling

Recently I observe mself a decrease of concentration and productivity, after contemplation and a lot of reading, I came to the following conclusion:

I have been again over-indulged in internet social networking, especially Facebook, Whatsapp and emails. I have gained a lot realistic advantages from social networking in the virtual world, but I got a little bit too addicted that I cannot focus so I have decided to limit my usage.

Yes, it’s about my ability to FOCUS—-multi-tasking is in my viens, my bipolar brains always pop out new random ideas at random times that keep me sidetracked all the time. For instance, this simple blog cost me 5 hours to write, because I have been frequently checking on Facebook (mostly trivial statuses), talking to random friends at random subjects and looking at new stuff on the internet. I also have too many ideas I want to write in this blog but they are too irrelevant and scattered, so I already deleted a few hundred redundant words here.

To stay focus, I need to detoxify from social networking. I write reminders to keep reminding myself ‘one at a time’. I think it is good to only focus on the NEXT STEP instead of the whole picture. When drawing plans, they must be specifc with main focus how to TAKE THE FIRST STEP by stating the CONCRETE STEP OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.

Also, I have been CONSCIOUSLY OVER-DRILLING on small issues which lead to procrastination. Every time after conscious effort of learning new things or planning, if the new stuff are detailed enough, they will be eventually imprinted into our SUBCONSCIOUS. If you have read about psychological/self help books, you will understand our mind is 90% constitute of subconscious which we are unaware of, while only 10% is CONSCIOUSNESS, which we are aware of.

Breathing is unconscious.It works automatically. Writing a letter is conscious, we think about what kind of words shall be written.

From my experience I am getting to understand how to balance between consciousness and subconscious. After efforts of planing and learning, I need to relax and let go. After sometime, our subconscious will do the job automatically for me, and usually it is better than when I try to consciously control every thing to get the most desired result. I sometimes have that feeling: after I have achieved something really great, since I start to be aware of how I have achieved it —— it feels like I am not the one achieving it. Now I understand why I have the feeling; I feel like I am not the one achieving it because it is the subconscious ME that helped me achieve it, but not my consciousness. Subsconsious is the part  that secretly governs our actions, thoughts, and ultimately our lives but we don’t know about it. Subconscious can only be felt.

Take a deep breath, let it flow naturally, don’t try to control, don’t over-drill.

I have also been reading about Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill’s insight about links between EMOTIONS and GOALS is ONE OF MY MOST IMPORTANT REMINDERS IN MY LIFE. Here is my own digestion of his words with my own explanation:

People fail to achieve their goals because they make their plans in WORDS. When they think of their goals, they merely THINK OF THE WORDS, but they forget to try to imagine how they will FEEL if they succeed in achieving the goals —- they will feel happy and satisfactory. People keep motivated because of the FEELING/EMOTIONS of success, but not the WORDS of goals they read from their written plans. We human beings have forgotten WORDS, WHICH IS WRITTEN/SPOKEN LANGUAGE, ARE MERELY TOOLS TO EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS. We invented ‘language’ thousands of years ago and it is just a tool, same as a lamp or a pen, and it has its flaws. If we do not link our emotions and feelings—-which are the most important parts—- to the TOOLS which is words, we not gonna truly understand the real meaning of the words. If we lose the real meaning of the words, we not gonna have the motivation to achieve, because we won’t keep in mind how we will feel like when we succeed—happy, contented and proud.

So yea, always remember to link emotions with words.

Finally, I would like to talk about a quite useful tool that I learnt—-regarding each month as a year, so there will be 12 years in a year! That keeps people motivated by this new perception of time. Also, I appreciate the reading from Mr Jeff Haden, inspirational blogger from Inc.com that concentration is a cycle, it peaks for around 60-90 minutes and after that you need to take some rest before another peak. HOW TO REST IS REALLY IMPORTANT!

Hong Kong

 

In January this YEAR, I wish to focus on(with detailed steps of what to do):

1. Master the art of CONCENTRATION—-make the best decision at PRESENT moment, nothing more. One at a time. For Facebook, only allow to use after 30 minutes of concentration on the right things.

Master the art of SUBCONSCIOUS—–Learn to be grateful and relax—-by singing, meditating, conscious breathing.

2. Spanish—-at least 5 days every week using duolingo, and keep reading Spanish newspaper every day

3. Finish reading 2-3 books of wine and practical ones

Find and read information about how to start a company in Hong Kong, logistics, marketing, and tax. Each category read at least 5 readings. Report to at least one category to my potential business partner.

My goalS for 2014——my vision board

1. Career and business—-wine and eyewear(diploma study, trading, find clients, investors)—– read materials and understand more instead of blindly guess and believe.  I want to be my own boss. (Blogging for food and spiritual health). Dare to hold more responsibility because I am determined to pursue this in my life

2. Spanish (attain level of able to grasp the rough meaning of an article without translation )—-Duolingo and news every day

3. Singing, modeling—-entertainment——Record one song every month, dare to hold more responsibility because I am determined to pursue this in my life.

4. Spiritual and physical health——don’t over-drill, let SUBCONSCIOUS do its work.

5. Have a sustainable relationship with a cute guy who respects and treasure me, most important characters are smart, humorous, goal-oriented, kind, crazy like me with less mental boundaries. Go socialing, from internet or some events. No meaningless romance.

I have to always remind myself: don’t choose the path everyone is walking. Discover paths that suit myself most to avoid the ‘traffic’. The common paths look pretty reasonable to choose merely because everyone are walking those paths.


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